Moving is stressful from the day you decide you’re moving.
I was walking on Michigan Avenue and was honestly going through different scenarios in my head about what I would do if I ran into Kanye…
Too much time on my hands.
This style of shoe is all the rage up here. At first I didn’t get it and thought it was the nastiest trend ever but I have seen some pretty nice ones lately and before I leave I might get me a pair…. WATCH OUT now
So I was coming up to my apartment after working out, because I’m cool like that and I met this guy. The elevator stopped on the first floor and I went to get off and came back in because, well my apartment is on the 12th floor, but you know how those elevators trick you. They get me all the time
Anyways elevator guy said “Don’t worry I do that all the time” and so we had a conversation like that. I laughed and he told me how he has gotten off on the wrong floor and almost put his key into another apartment door before he realized he was on the wrong floor. We then joked about how it would be funny if the door was accidentally open and the person would go nuts and call the police and yell “RAPE!” He was funny, we were laughing and he said “that’s all I need, to be in the news ‘tall, scrawny, long haired white guy raping women in their own apartment’… ‘SERIAL RAPIST’ ” we both laughed and he got off on the 9th floor, and said “at least you can say you spoke to me”.
I realized once I got to my floor-12th how weird that conversation was. Honestly, we were joking about rape as he was going into an apartment building. Fucking weird.
If I go missing- aka don’t post something on Tumblr for a couple of days call the police. He was about 6 feet, skinny, had long brown jesus hair, straight but had a few waves. He was wearing jeans and a jean jacket covered in paint, which leads me to believe he is in construction or a painter. They weren’t small plashes of paint, they were blotches and all over so it leads me to believe that he paints houses or buildings. He looks like a construction worker. He was attractive, young, charming, he made me laugh about RAPE- I mean I joke about that with friends but not strangers. Fuck no. Rape is not funny- except for PED-O-BEAR.
SIDENOTE: I have noticed one thing- everything in Chicago gets the word serial put in front of it… there’s a serial rapist, serial mugger, and serial bank robber right now. Homie has hit up about 10 banks by the way. I think people in Chicago are just fucking serious about crime, they don’t do things small scale… THEY GO BIG OR GO HOME.
6 shows in California… really? who the fuck needs 6 shows in california?
Give me 1 in Chicago
So the other day, I’m driving to work and listening to SHADE45 in the morning right? That’s an XM hip hop channel FYI. And someone calls in and Sway asks “where you from?…and homie says “I’m from Mobile, Alabama.”
… and I fucking lost it.
“that’s right, put in work, move yo ass, go berserk, eat yo salad, no dessert, GET THAT MAN YOU DESERVE……. my name is Ali-mae from mobile mobile, Alabama and i just wanna say since listening to Kanye’s work-out tape Ive been able to date outside the family, got a double wide, and rode a plane”.